It's Alive

Yes, I'm alive.

No, my health assessment did not drive me mad.
Yes, I'll start blogging more.
Yes, I've been preoccupied with a different activity.
No, I'm not ready to focus on my weight.
Yes, I should be because man I feel fat.
No, I have not started smoking again.
Yes, I'm on my way toward 2 months.
but, I've also been under the weather for the past few days so I'm not feeling terribly motivated. Especially because you don't need to know those details.

Health Assessment

Yesterday I did my work related health assessment. By participating, you can get a discount on your premium increase in the following year.

Age: 43 (up from last year, good thing too)
Height: 5'8" (same as last year)
Weight: 265 lbs. (up from last year)
Blood Pressure: 134/82 (similar to last year)


I got my blood drawn as well. Those vampires better say that I'm a non-smoker like they did last year. Last year I was a HUGE smoker and they said I was not. I had to fight to get them to say I was to get the lowest score possible. Needed room for improvement. Not sure how much I improved even though I quit smoking. The weight is up and the age is up. They use it all against you.


I'll keep you informed as I need to start focusing on the waist-line. ...And people thought I have been a bitch from quiting smoking... lol.

Superheroes like me

Surely I don't jest, the grass felt like it was that high. But I did finish the final 75% of my yard. And I also mowed the front yards of two of my neighbors. Superheroes are like that, ya know.

Mow Mow Mow Your Lawn

or 50% of it at least.

I plan to get the rest of it tomorrow.

Excuses

If it weren't for bad luck...

Yesterday/last evening, I had wanted to mow the lawn but created plenty of obstacles not to do that work. It could definitely wait for the cool Saturday morning air.

Saturday morning cool air wasn't so cool and I woke up with neck pain. I really did! Not sure how I slept to do that. But whatever I did, I must have been in a really kinked up position because I had to have been cutting off the blood flow. My left arm was puffed up and my hand looked like it was suffering an allergic reaction. It's still a little sore (the hand) but the puffiness has gone down and the hand is back to normal.

But still, my neck is all crickey and hurts. Pain is a wonderful excuse not to mow the lawn. But I could do without the pain.

Finish Him!

Oh yeah, I'm toast!

I ran out of energy around 9am.
The machine that I am, was running on fat fumes I suppose.
Mowing the lawn was on my agenda after work.
But then I had to stay late.
Then I had to run a few errands.
Followed-up by some Solomonster time.
Running into darkness.
You don't suppose I planned it that way, do you.
Crap, now I have to get up really early on a Saturday.
The lawn really needs a cutting and it's going to be 90 degrees tomorrow.
I don't mind heat, but I do not want it in April.
Alright Dr. Flab, where are you?

Sigmund and the Sea Monsters

Oh yeah, this week just blows.

I broke out my old pair of Phat-Man pants to wear to work, just to feel comfortable.
I wasn't slightly bothered by the fact that they are OLD, a little less than casual and worn looking. They felt awesome today and my bloated whale self was able to glide its fat ass into the bucket seat at work. Damn thing has no lumbar support. It's like working, sitting in a chair, that acts like a hammock but you can't nap.


Jail. I might as well have been in jail today.
*waves some burning sage around to discern the size and scope of the real Mr. Cranky Pants that is possessing my body.

This is a stress test. I know it is. And I don't want a cigarette.

NO!

PMS

When I ran across the picture above, I just had to laugh. My first thought was that Jadielady will love this illustration of a Fat Cat-Woman. But then I thought, OMG, that's me. Okay let's not get too carried away with that thought.

This week I feel really fat - I am.
This week I feel like I have male PMS.
My emotions are out of control.
Yet, I always feel frisky and playful.

Tell me that picture doesn't give that description a fair amount credence. But just assume that Cat-Woman has a penis and no boobs. Then we're at least on shakier ground. I think I need to up my head-med a bit this weekend, just a tad.

Mr. T.

I think I pity me today.

Well for pete's sake, someone should.

Yin and Yang

I so could have let an ugly person tick me off so much to reach for a cigarette today. Luckily, I didn't have any and the nicotine symbiote couldn't take hold. Evil in all directions, trying to take me down. But I am stronger and more confident that some old punk from my home state of New York.


Man this stuff is sticky and likes to cling.

Productivity

Not so much, really.

I did my best impression of a potato.

I win!

Week #4 begins.

Not Quite Ti-GG-ER

When I get older I'm going to bounce like Tigger. Bouncey Bouncey Bouncey - BOUNCE.

This week was draining.
I'm not sure I have bounce left.
I'll give it one more try.
Why don't you join me?

Bouncey Bounce!
Weeeee - The best spot on earth.
My dream machine majik pillows.
Night Ya'll!

The Chantix Grunt

Just so you know, Chantix can and will-may turn you into a "slow-moving" human play-dough not-so-fun factory. Butt, I'm still not smoking.

Pokemon: Kabutops

This ancient member of the Pokemon family is a cross of how I feel today. I feel old and I feel like a fighter. I charged through a fair amount of work today, but I yawned and my body seemed to creek and wail as I moved. It started with not wanting to get up this morning. And it's ending with me going to bed, right now. Night night. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Puny Human

I always feel my fattest on Mondays.

Kind of ironic that I feel puny.

Week #3 of being smoke free has begun.

What?

It's like a superhero wetdream, but I'm not sure what they are trying to tell me.

I'll have to think about this some more.
Oh, and be very glad you didn't hang with me this weekend.
The body odor was just kicking in high gear.
I sure hope it's a one-off sort of thing and not just my nose being over sensitive. I'd hate to think that THAT'S how I smell all the time and was just not aware of it. Shower's helped but only for so long. We'll see.

Australia

You spend your lazy day Saturday's your way. I'll spend mine how I see fit. I chose Hugh Jackman as my special guest for the day. Yeah, it was slovenly... but good. One of the movies I watched with Hugh was "Australia". Some blond tart is in the movie as well. While it could be classified as a chick-flick, I think there's also enough action and adventure to satisfy any man. I could have done without the one other movie reference that threads the entire film, but I suppose that is where the creativity of the movie was lacking. Oh and one more thing... g'nite Hugh.

Chunky Butt

Captain Planet's a Bitch!

I'm holding him personally responsible for global warming, or more specifically Richmond warming. His punk-ass brought near 80 degree weather to Richmond, Virginia today. We haven't had enough time to recuperate from Winter, let alone jump right into Summer temperatures. Give it a rest you blue-faced freak. I want Spring. I want to be able to slide on into breezy cool temperatures. I want sunshine, light rains and the opportunity to do yard work. I want clean up my property without having to sweat may butt off. It's your fault Planet that the weeds are overtaking my yard. It's your fault that the evil Holly bush in my front flower bed won't die. It's your fault that huge-ass tree had to be sawed out from the middle of a bush and paired down, as it tries to grow up through my concrete front porch. You're a menace Captain Planet. I just quit smoking and your acting like a closeted gay physical trainer taking all your aggressions out on the fat kid. Well I'll tell you something; it's not going to be pretty. Because sooner rather than later, this chunky butt is going to lay some muscle on your ass.

Special thanks to friend Wayne, playing the role of He-Man!

Moon Knight

Yes, today is a full moon. All day, folks were testing my every last nerve. I was really being tested today. Like Moon Knight, I just wanted to pummel everyone that deserved a knock-down. And apparently, to me, everyone was begging for a beating. The smoking issue was in the back of my mind until after work. I went and got hair cut by my friend CJ and then she and I went to a Vietnamese restaurant for dinner. We sat in the smoking section because our favorite waiter works that section. She smokes and did. We drank, and our waiter makes them rather stiff. For reformed smokers, drinking is one of the "rites of passage" testing your resolve. Later after several drinks and our meals, another friend arrived. Also a smoker.

Not to worry, true believers. I was triumphant! Excelsior!!!

Hawkman

Okay, my nose has been under attack today. I woke up and let the Solomonster out and I sniffed the cool outdoor air. YUK! Has Richmond been under siege by sewage beasts? My driver's side car window would not go up last night so I had to drive to work with it down. My luck I was behind a bunch of trucks spewing their perfume. Bleck!

Elevator jail found me and the ghosts of women's powdery floral over exaggerated and over indulged "don't I smell pretty" crap. Some dude's maple syrup laden breakfast burning in the microwave in the community kitchen was just dandy. And my personal morning favorite was torturous person that nuked up some bacon in the microwave. And they did it wonderfully well, to the point that the intoxicating aroma waifed all the way directly under my nose. mmmmm bacon.

I'm still taking my breaks with my smoking friends. That is going well but yesterday and today, the burning embers smelled like burning leaves. Well okay, that is what they are, but it didn't smell *welcoming* at all.

Took my car to a glass shop and met a nice guy that I would like to smell better. ummm I mean see again when the time to fix my window arrives. But for now he flexed his muscles and smiled, rrrrr I mean fixed my window to working okay until I get the money to have it repaired. It was so nice of him to oil me up - oh, the window linings. Even the oil had a "take me" kind of smell to it.

After I returned from lunch I needed to be in various locations throughout the building. All I smelled, and I didn't have a choice, was everyone Else's lunch. And I swear today was International Food Fare day. But a word of caution if you ever have a hyper-sensitive olfactory experience happening.

AVOID - Hold it - pinch as hard as you have too - but don't go into the men's bathroom!

Oh -- and I selected Hawkman today because of his enormous schnoz!